Discover more from Made Up by Shay.
Sometimes, things do get better.
I become more whole amidst a once-in-lifetime pandemic.
Hi there! It's been a while since I last wrote. Unfortunately, my life has been hectic, even though I'd like to write more.
Lockdowns have been lifted across Australia and eased in Vietnam. While people worldwide prepare to dine out and discuss the effects on their mental health after staying inside the four walls for days on end, I thrive on staying indoors. Well, sort of.
Almost a decade ago, Australia to me was merely a few years of studying abroad and exploring the world. I looked forward to building a film career then. But, alas, life had other plans for me. I ended up meeting my life partner, becoming an Australian citizen and residing on this big hot island strapped in between the Indian Ocean and the South Pacific Ocean ever since.
In the first 18 months, I moved around 3 apartments, subletting with 12 people at one point. The only space I had for myself was under 10 metres square. And for someone pathologically private, those 10 metres square were sacred because the space was mine and mine alone. Looking back, it was one of the most challenging times of my life. I mostly lived under the poverty line. I cleaned hotel rooms for extra cash while suffering from a broken heart and a depressed mind. Compared to those days, lockdowns almost feel like a vacation.
I am not depressed anymore, neither am I heartbroken. In this world of pain, I found myself becoming softer. My therapist used to remind me that not everything is an attack, even if it sometimes feels like so. The pandemic has been somewhat healing for me because it affirmed what I experienced 10 years ago, the harm it caused and what I've endured to get here. My armour has become less thick, and my words are no longer as piercing.
I'm not writing this to seek pity from anyone. On the contrary, I am grateful. Even though I'm sad some days, I'm content on most. Things sometimes do get better.
I'm not writing as often right now, but I'm glad you're sticking around. It means a lot to me. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are.